And Now for Some Lesbian Sex Haikus (with Cats!)

An excerpt from Anna Pulley's The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!).

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When I was growing up, I hated poetry. I thought it was just men writing about nature, and what I wanted to do was be in the city and meet women writing about everything else. Then I met the usual gateway poets, Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath, and began to see that poetry could be a vehicle for anger, horror, and even wit. Which is why I love Anna Pulley's new book, The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!). It's as casual and funny as a conversation with your best friend, if your best friend happens to speak in haikus and wants to tell you all about lesbian sex. Here's an excerpt, which includes not just one but three perfect haikus about Gertrude Stein.

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IMAGINED AWKWARD PROPOSITIONS FROM FAMOUS QUEER WOMEN THROUGHOUT HISTORY

Gertrude Stein 
A lesbian is 
a lesbian is a lez 
who's BI-AN me drinks.

Gertrude Stein tries again 
A rose is a rose 
is a Rose who rose from the 
bar to buy me drinks.

Gertrude Stein gets to second base 
Where? There? You want me 
to touch you there? But my dear, 
there is no there there.

Billie Jean King
 
Love love! … Wait, come back!
It's a tennis term meaning 
no one has scored. Oh.

Sappho 
My muse! My favorite … 
Aphrodite? … Airlea? 
Ai … think I love you?

Georgia O'Keeffe 
Here, I made you this 
flower painting. It's symbolic! 
Of your … beauty.

Audre Lorde 
Eating bananas 
is nice, but how about we 
put them in your vag?

Susan Sontag 
Sex is a pillow— 
an extension of the self. 
Yet suffocating.

Susan Sontag tries again 
Would you like to talk 
obscure French theory with 
me? I hate myself.

Willa Cather 
There is nothing but 
the land. We are all dirt, so 
shall we lie in it?

Willa Cather keeps going 
I would plough you like 
the godly red heaven that 
is Nebraska soil.

Virginia Woolf 
When I said I want
 "a room of my own," I meant 
"when my husband's here."

Frida Kahlo
Te adoro! Here's 
a painting of me being
cruelly tortured.

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