September Lennyscopes

Melissa Broder's existential predictions for this month.

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(August 23 to September 22)

Happy Birthday, Virgo. Stop trying to be good, you are good. I know that's a scary thought: if you're already enough, then what is left to critique, fix, improve, change, aspire to? How will you avoid the present moment, then? We love our self-projects because they keep us occupied. But the present moment itself can be cute. You're just not used to it.


(September 23 to October 22)

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Whether it's money, love, or a career situation, there is something in your life that you are being nebulous about right now, because it feels safer to live in fantasy than to face the truth. But in the end is it really safer? Or are you just accustomed to the fantasy?


(October 23 to November 21)

Happiness is elusive and weird and maybe not even something to strive for per se, but I do know that one component of happiness is to want less. Attachment and desire are bitches. One way to want less is to start by wanting what we have. And the way to want what we have is through a gratitude practice. Gratitude sounds annoying when you're not feeling it. But I bet you can find at least ten things a day to put on a list.


(November 22 to December 21)

Everyone defines spirituality differently, and for you a spiritual moment is one that feels inspiring, fated, or synergistic. But this month I want you to consider that taking a pause can be a spiritual experience too. So when you get that amazing idea, opportunity, or plan of attack, stop a sec. I promise it isn't going to vanish.


(December 22 to January 19)

Life-swapping or body-swapping might seem like a good idea right now, but that's only when you look at one or two elements of another person's life and find them desirable — not the whole picture. If everyone put all their problems on the table, my guess is that you would want yours back.


(January 20 to February 18)

In the past year you've likely discovered that expectations lead to resentments. As of late, you might have even pulled back a little from other people so as to protect yourself. But ask yourself: Is total independence really true freedom? Or is freedom the ability to ask for help and then let go of the results?


(February 19 to March 20)

It might sound obvious, but there's a difference between catastrophizing and faith. Catastrophizing is when we terrorize ourselves with the worst possible outcome so we can be "prepared." Faith is when we decide that no matter what the outcome, we will be taken care of. Is faith magical thinking? Maybe. But so is catastrophizing.


(March 21 to April 19)

The only way to be free of bullshit is to be dead. And even then, who knows? There might be plenty of bullshit on the other side as well. The point is, you're going to have a lot of time to be dead. Maybe you can find a way to celebrate the earthly bullshit now.


(April 20 to May 20)

It's not that the decisions you have to make are all so massive. Rather, it's your fear of their implications that is the big kahuna. But what if you considered the world more of an interconnected web than a right or wrong? More of a maze than a duality? If that's the case, then both directions have the potential to lead you somewhere cool.


(May 21 to June 20)

The biggest issue you face is your own mind (you're not alone in this) and the stories it tells you about your perceived problems. But the problems themselves are not as big as you feel they are. It's the narrative around them that is most oppressive. You've been listening to K-FUKT. Change the station.


(June 21 to July 22)

As much as you have a tendency to be an independent isolationist and rebel against what you think is being demanded of you, there is also a whole crew of people in your mind judging your dreams, wishes, and visions. You know who these people are, and they are heavy. Fire them, then go hang out with some real people who love you in this dimension.


(July 23 to August 22)

Just because people don't love you in the way that you want them to love you (read: the specific way you need them to do so in order to prove their undying love) doesn't mean they don't love you. If you like receiving verbal validations of love, consider that actions on your behalf are indicators of love this month. If you value receiving gifts, consider a kind word an equal substitute.

Melissa Broder is the author of four collections of poems, including Last Sext (Tin House 2016), as well as So Sad Today, a book of essays from Grand Central.

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