Ode-to-Boob Superfood Energy Bites


I have to admit: Even as a wellness professional, I rarely feel myself up. It’s pretty fucked up, I know, because I’m fully aware that self-checks are the best method for early detection. I’m not sure what stops me: the awkwardness of touching myself in a clinical way, or the terrifying chance I’ll find a lump like my mom did (she’s fine now), or, you know, because if there _were_ something, my doctor would just catch it at my yearly checkup. Whatever flimsy logic I’m using, it’s a real problem, and I’m guessing I’m not alone.

Perhaps to force myself into a self-checking routine, I wanted to develop a recipe that would ideally encourage ladies (myself included, obvi) to touch our boobs more and to make self-checks less of a loaded concept. The “mammograham” is a cheeky Internet classic, but it feels so diagnostic, and the smushed boobs look like they’re made of marzipan or something that’s not super-appealing. Poking around Pinterest, I came across some real sexed-up versions, the kind you might find at a bachelorette party, but those felt like too much of _a thing._ Plus, self-exams aren’t about titillation; they’re about keeping us healthy.

And that’s why I decided I wanted to make a healthy snack that you could eat year-round (after all, our boobs deserve special attention more than just one month of the year). The ode-to-boob treats I came up with are superfood energy bites in three ways. They have eight ingredients or less (no refined sugar), are loaded with healthy fat, and most important, taste dope. I added adaptogens, plant extracts that boost the body’s ability to adapt to stress (i.e., intense workouts, hectic workdays, parenting humans, etc.), to add bulk to the lemon and coconut bites, but you could add any of your favorite health dusts to any of the three versions if you’re inclined, like maca, matcha, or unsweetened protein powder for a portable post-workout snack. I hope you dig these boob bites as much as I did making them. Let’s all self-check our boobs more and peer-pressure our pals to do the same, because really, it’s not _that_ awkward.

**Dark-Chocolate Orange-Zest Bites**


½ cup pecans

10 dates, pitted

2 ½ tablespoons cacao powder

1 tablespoon unsweetened almond or pecan butter

1 tablespoon coconut oil

1/4 teaspoon sea salt

Zest of half an orange

**Lemon-Zest Energy Bites**


½ cup cashews

6 dates, pitted

1 tablespoon coconut oil

1 tablespoon unsweetened almond or pecan butter

1 tablespoon ashwagandha (or unsweetened brown-rice protein powder)

1 ½ teaspoons maple syrup

¼ teaspoon sea salt

Zest of one lemon

**Coconut Energy Bites**


½ cup cashews

2 tablespoons coconut butter

7 tablespoons maple syrup

1 tablespoon mucuna pruriens (or unsweetened brown-rice protein powder)

1 cup shredded coconut

¼ teaspoon vanilla extract

¼ teaspoon sea salt


1. Add all ingredients for each type of energy bite into a food processor or high-speed blender. Pulse until mixture is fully combined and sticky.

2. Separate mixture into 10 rough bites.

3. Place bites in freezer for 15 minutes, or refrigerator for 30 minutes, to set.

4. Roll bites into desired boob shapes.

5. Enjoy!

* _Each recipe makes five sets of boobs._

_**I added chocolate-covered sunflower seeds from Trader Joe’s as nipples for dramatic effect, but feel free to go nip-less or use high-quality chocolate chips_

_Shira Lenchewski, MS, RD is a Los Angeles–based nutritionist and writer. She emphasizes self-compassion as a way to help people develop healthier relationships with food. You can find Shira’s recipes and realness on Instagram:_ (1) _._

1) (https://www.instagram.com/shira_rd/)