I want to have an art show titled I FIND MYSELF SO INTERESTING.
All the pieces will have titles like:
ISN'T THIS SUCH AN INTERESTING DETAIL ABOUT MYSELF?
I THINK I'VE CAPTURED MY SARDONIC APPROACH TO MY OWN LIFE PRETTY ACCURATELY IN THIS ONE
THIS ONE IS ABOUT MY TORTURED AND UNSUSTAINABLE INNER LIFE
ANOTHER CONFUSING REFERENCE TO MY CHILDHOOD!
HOPE THIS PIECE MAKES YOU SCARED TO TALK TO ME BECAUSE THAT'S MY FAVORITE INTERPERSONAL DYNAMIC
I'M NOT BRAVE ENOUGH TO EXPOSE MYSELF IN A NON-ART SETTING
HA-HA! I JUST NEVER STOP BEING INTERESTING
I don't even care if there's wine and cheese at the opening. I just want complete control of how I'm interpreted as an artist and human person, and to leave no room for anyone to project anything of their own on to me.
But I'd be really surprised if there wasn't cheese at the opening.
I arrived at Mickey's apartment crying and he asked me what was wrong. I threw myself onto the floor in front of him and he asked if Project Runway had made me cry.
I said that it had and he asked who was kicked off and I said, "Nobody, the judges let them all stay" and faintly wept or pretended to weep, and Mickey told me I was crazy.
In the movie version of my life, there should be a group of confident-looking people standing in front of my work saying, "Seminal," to each other over and over.
And they should definitely include that word a few times in the trailer for that movie, so people know what to expect.
And it would be good if they could cast someone unseemly to play the role of me because then I would have someone tragic to compare myself to for the rest of my life.
I'M TERRIFIED THAT DEEP DOWN INSIDE I'M NOT THAT INTERESTING AND I'M TERRIFIED THAT EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS
I am willing myself to have a manic episode just so I can get out of bed at some point today.
I AM SURE THAT ONE DAY I WILL BE A GREAT ARTIST
I'LL BE SO SUCCESSFUL THAT YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO TALK TO ME
AND I'LL STILL BE AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU, TOO
Mickey and I went on a hike to look for mushrooms at Huckleberry Preserve. Well, not really looking. Our friend warned us there would not be any mushrooms there, but we hadn't asked about mushrooms. We went to Huckleberry Preserve anyway, not caring one way or the other about whether there would be mushrooms. We didn't see any mushrooms. It wasn't a very close friend.
YOU WEREN'T WRONG WHEN YOU SAID I WOULD GIVE UP ON THE WORLDBEFORE IT GAVE UP ON ME
I GUESS I JUST THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE FIRST TO KNOW IF I HAD GIVEN UP ON THE WORLD
I have a new concept for a show. It will be called BEST JUST LEAVE HER ALONE.
I'll hire a woman to perform in the gallery. She will be required to wander around the space, never talking, never making eye contact with anyone. I'll instruct everyone not to talk to her.
I will invite all her friends and loved ones to the show. I will invite her ex-boyfriends and people she was mean to in high school and the neighbor kid who she used to babysit who is now in college. I'll invite her ex–best friend who she hasn't talked to in eight years. I'll find all these people on Facebook. I'll hire them if I have to. I'll instruct them not to talk to the performer under any circumstances.