ARIES(March 21 to April 19)
If you've been feeling like an alien, congratulations, you're on the right path. Like, have you looked at what the human race is doing lately? Do you really want to be a part of that? I'm kidding (not at all actually), and what I mean to say is this: when everyone around you seems like they are from a different planet, that's when we start to find our real people — or exercise creative ways to reach them.
TAURUS(April 20 to May 20)
OK, this is going to be annoying, but don't shoot the messenger. Once a day this month, it would behoove you to pick one person whom you can't stand — an anonymous commenter, a relative, an ex who hurt you, someone whose beliefs are shitty — and in your head say to this person, "I love you, thank you for your life." See how you feel about yourself after you say it (forget how you feel about them). If nothing else, you can probably write a crappy memoir about your "month of giving blessings." It would so sell.
GEMINI(May 21 to June 20)
If it feels fake, it's probably fake. There is a certain amount of bullshit we all put up with to keep a roof over our heads and maintain some sort of identity in the chaos of the world (you could ease up a little on that needing-one-defined-identity thing too). But if it feels like plastic, it's not for you. You don't have to be a contortionist to survive.
CANCER(June 21 to July 22)
This month, I want you to experiment with asking for the goods and see how much you get. Anything you want professionally, financially, time-wise, just go ahead and ask. Do not be afraid that any offers will be retracted or anyone will punish you for your wants. The most they can say is no (which is not a rejection of you, but a reflection of where they are), but they're not going to rescind anything. You might get some shocking yeses.
LEO(July 23 to August 22)
I'm not a scientist, but I know from my own mistakes that sometimes we have a chemical reaction to certain people, wherein things always end up in the same place: feeling shitty. I want you to block out just one of these people in one area of your life: physically, psychically, digitally. Just do it for one month. If you can't do it to the one whom you need to do it to the most, do it to the one whom you need to do it to the second most. But do it, and don't ask permish.
VIRGO(August 23 to September 22)
It's time to welcome spring before spring fully arrives. Time to throw a party in your head. Meditate on the pizza emoji. Virgos need more parties. Even when you're at a party, you're not actually at a party. You're in your head. So it's time to bring the party there. Give yourself permission to float away. Force yourself to enjoy something you are scared to enjoy. Don't worry, your life isn't going to get fucked up.
LIBRA(September 23 to October 22)
You know when you have a dream about someone random and the next day, all day, you feel weird romantic feelings for them? You've had this experience, and thus you already know that the brain, life, consciousness, and existence are composed of way more than we are aware of. And while you may not buy into metaphysical, new-age woo-woo (like astrology) (but hey, you're still reading), it might be time to get down with some woo. The next time you come across a new-age cure, healer, potentiality, or magick, I want you to act as if it's true. It's time for a lil adventure.